Where was Moses when the lights went out?

My grandmother used say that all the time. My mother clued me in early on that it was a rhetorical question and that she really wouldn't appreciate me answering. Hey don't ask a question you don't want answered, but I digress.

My mother died on February 5th. I have these two guy friends who I have been there for no matter what, whom I have supported through thick and thin, whose sides I stood by through the storm getting wet. And where were they during my hurricane? Your guess is a good as mine.
One who've I've known since grade school, I text him and told him and we talked then I text him and said I need to see him I needed to talk. He promised that when he got home that Thursday he would be by. Thursday came but he didn't. Text him to see where he was and he was on his way to ATL, but said he didn't forget his promise and would be by when he got back. It's March and I still haven't seen him. I text him to call him on his BS and he swears he didn't text me that he was coming home that Thursday or that he was in ATL. Either he's lying or I need to have a talk with his girlfriend (wouldn't be the first time she's text me from his phone). If he wants to be stupid and leave his phone with her, that's him But that's his M.O. he does no wrong. He's always right. And he wonders why I wont tell...

The second I've known since college and I told him on im the night she died. All I got was I'm so sorry and a door closing. No phone call, no letter, no email, no IM. Then when I called him on his BS a couple weeks later, cause I still hadn't heard from him, he starts apologizing for not being there for me. It's too late to apologize. Where were you when I couldn't' see my way out of darkness? Where were you when I really needed to talk to you? I didn't expect you to fly in for everything, but damn couldn't a sista get a phone call?

I feel cheated by her death. She raised care of my oldest nephew and was taking care of my youngest nephew, but she wont be here to see my child grow up. He won't hear her cheering him on as he grows up. I can't call on her for advise on raising him. She's not here to help me mold him. When she died, it was devastating. She wasn't just my mother, she was my bestest friend in the whole wide world, my confidant (we talked about everything, even sex) she was my adviser (even though she did this nerve racking thing of always telling me she can't tell me what to do, it's my life my decision, I'm like i don't want you to tell me what to do i want you to tell me what you would do, but she hardly did). I can't walk in the house and smell her banana pudding cooking. Hell her cornbread dressing recipe died with her. And i constantly wonder what am I going to do. Now I have to responsibility of taking care of everyone. My burden just got heavier. And no one is here to take care of me. Dammit I'm the baby, I shouldn't have to take care of everyone and everything. But alas that's the burden I carry. She carried it and passed it on to me.

I love my best friends, they were there for me. Nitra you are my sister girl, you took care of my baby when i couldn't. Thank you and your family for everything.

Where was Moses when the lights went out? IN THE DARK!!!

Sharing My Good News

After being off for well over a year and taking care of mommy while she was sick, I was blessed with a job doing something I love. And on top of that, I found out 3 doctors have lied to me, I'm pregnant! I'm happy and truly blessed.

My soul seeks knowledge...What Kind of Soul are You

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Why my ulcer is acting up

Around this time last year we found out my mother had cancer. I had started working back at my old job after battling illness myself. I quit so take care of my mother. My siblings were like we will help as much as we can. We can't help physically take care of momma cause we can't stand to see her that way but whatever else you need we will provide. I've exhausted everything I've got to take care of her including myself and one of my sisters is tripping. If you voluntarily tell me you are going to do something, do it, when you say you are. If she asks me for something and I don't hop to it she pitches a fit calls me constantly and bemoans life, love, and her pursuit happiness until it gets done, but me I get short changed in the deal. Really short changed. And no I'm the baby, she's the second born. I didn't ask her she volunteered her services and she should have delivered when she promised. If you tell me you are going to do something then do it. I'm too tired for anymore lies, broken promises, or broken words and people actually wonder why I dont' believe them. They need to look at their track record with me.

And all people around me can see or say is I'm sitting my ass up at home, it must be nice. They don't know what I go through but they have everything to say and it usually doesn't bother me, but and uncle, someone who i thought was a friend, and the fact that I am emotionally exhausted it's bothering me now. (Sorry for the run on.) They weren't up the nights listening to her cry from pain, they weren't cleaning her, they weren't damn near fainting when her medicine came to $2300 in one sitting.

This is why I have stock in Mylanta, why my ulcer is kicking my ass. All I can do is pray, for if I don't Calgon won't be the only thing taking me away.

I Tried...

Well I tried my best to stay away from the topic. I really did. It is such a sensitive topic in this nation. I've been called a heathen because of my views, but as I tell them they are mine just like you have your. The "A" word has become a dirty word in our society. Yes I'm doing it. I'm talking about abortion. I am very pro-choice. Before you get your panties in a knot and start damning me to hell, that doesn't mean I believe in abortions. It means, MY BODY MY CHOICE! This is my body. I have to live with what goes on with my body everyday, not you. It is my right to choose what I do to my body. I'm not invading your privacy and telling you what you can and cannot do with yours, so why are you trying to tell me what I can or cannot do with mine?

So lets see, if a bill passes to ban abortions what might possible happen? Do you really really think its going to stop happening? No, backwater abortions will rise again. Mortality rates for women will rise again. Adoption you say? How many children are in the system that need adopting? The older a child gets the less likely adoption will occur, proven fact.

Ah yes the provisions in the bill for health reasons, incest, and rape. How many doctors will have to sign off on the fact that if you have this baby it could kill you before you will be allowed to have the abortion. Whose to say that because the doctor doesn't believe in abortions and will not sign off at the risk of my life. Incest. Ok, how many incest cases are reported each year. Maybe 1% of all incest cases are reported. When the 13 year old gets pregnant by her daddy, uncle, brother she's supposed to tell the doctor she needs the abortion because she's doing what daddy tells her to do every night to keep him happy. Be for real! Rape. Only about 16% - 20% of rapes are reported each year to police. The way victims are villianified, I can't blame them for not stepping forward. So tell me, if a woman has been raped and lets say she reports it, but the system swings a not guilty vote, will she have to have the child? She can't prove rape. Where is her help, where is her support? She will not be allowed to make the choice of whether she wants to birth the product of a violent painful episode in her life. She will be forced to have this child and that my friends can leads down several roads and one ends with child abuse.

So there is my flow on abortion. I know some of you have already damned me to hell, that's your choice. I just want mine. Now before you pin those very vocal comments and responses to my flow just remember, men cannot be judges of men. You do not lead a perfect life so you cannot judge mine. There is only one Judge and I will answer to Him about my choices. I'm not asking you to change your belief, I'm demanding my right to choose. My life, My body, MY choice.

P. S. This is my flow. I haven't begun to debate the topic. I'm only on the step stool making my way to my soap box. If you are going come at me, come correct. I may respond or I may ignore you. Hey guess what? It's MY CHOICE.

Should you stay together for the kids?

So...what would you do? Do you stay in an unhappy situation for the child(ren) or do you leave but continue to love your child and stay in your child's life. As a friend says, "It's like the abortion question, you never know until you are in that situation." I have my thoughts, but I play devil's advocate and can argue both sides of the equation. Here's one side:

Your child will see that you are unhappy and this will be the example of what they can expect and they will perceive that this is all there is for them when they grow up. They can come to resent one of both parents and you can never understand the psychological and emotional trauma that the situation can cause the child. Children are very perceptive and can sense the smallest, unnerving thing. People and groups are so caught up on keeping families together they don't realize that some things are meant to be broken. God breaks some things, let go and let God.

But the decision is yours and yours alone. Seek help, pray, weigh out all the options, think about the consequences, look at all the choices, meditate and in the end do what you feel is right for you and your situation.

The MSNBC article on the subject follows. Happy reading.


Should you stay together for the kids?
Deciding whether or not to divorce is a very difficult decision. So what's a parent to do? 'Today' contributor Dr. Ruth Peters offers some advice

Many bickering couples stay with each other just to keep the family intact. But are you helping or hurting your children? "Today" contributor Dr. Ruth Peters was invited to appear on the show to offer some insight. Here's her advice:

Is divorce ever a good option for the children?Yes, it can be, but there are many sides to the issue. Some parenting specialists believe that children living in chaotic or unhappy marriages learn bad parenting techniques, and feel that these kids would benefit in the long run by their parents divorcing. However, one leading authority on the family (Judith Wallerstein, author of “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce”) disagrees. She theorizes that keeping the family intact is of such import that, even if unhappy or lonely, parents who are able to remain civil (not exposing the kids to fights, coldness or extreme disagreements) provide a better option than divorce. But folks who can commit to living together respectfully when actually desiring to be apart are rare, as this often means putting their own happiness and perceived fulfillment “on hold” until the kids are older or have left the home.

Should parents put the happiness and the welfare of the children before their own? I believe that your happiness as an adult should not interfere with the welfare of your children, whenever possible. YouÂ’re the adult, and they are just kids. The fireworks may have fizzled from your marriage and you may not even find your spouse interesting or attractive. But he or she is the father or mother of your children and you should invest considerable time, attention, soul-searching and honest introspection before making a decision to forever change the dynamics and stability of your marriage and your home. If you havenÂ’t sought counseling (an honest, sincere attempt here, folks!) then do so immediately. Talk with your religious leader, a trusted friend or family member who has evidenced good judgment in their own private life, or a therapist. Sure, marital therapy is often unsuccessful, but just as frequently changes can be made that alter the marital dynamic and the relationship can be more successful and rewarding. In other words, try to fix the situation before bailing out.

Why now?

A friend and I were discussing desire, past relationships, how we feel about certain guys in our life now. We talked about guys in our life now who have married and call us to ask why didn't we make it. Or friends we've known since college, who were the our boys, who we could go to about anything, our protectors, call us up after the weddings to tell us they love us and why didn't we try? They tell us their visions of us, profess their love for us (yeah we are both in that situation) after the fact. We wonder, why now? Is the fact that we are the ones that they let get away? Is it that they think the grass is greener? In essence, they chose to not give us the choice, their reason, they were not worthy of us. WTF?!?!? WTH?!?!? It makes me think of Wayne's World, "We're not worthy, we're not worthy!" If you weren't worthy then, why are you worthy now? I know that's mean but I'm pissed. Now you spring it on us, how you felt, your desire. What can we do now? You are married. Oh well, your lost. After the conversation we were perusing the Internet and came upon this poem and it was deja vu, we could hear their voices saying these words. So here it is.

I Desire You
by Heather Lynn

I feel you,
oh how I feel you,
so close
though you're so far away
your touch
your mind
your body...
your soul
next to me,
beside me...
with me
Your touching me,
mesmerizing me with your eyes
filling me with your touch
melting me with your sensuous kiss
I taste your kiss,
all day long,
though I have yet to actually taste it
I imagine,
fantasizeabout you
and my desire,
my fantasies...
my needs
There's so much I desire -
to be with you
in every way possible...
next to you,
beside you,
with you...
touching you
I desire you...