Should you stay together for the kids?

So...what would you do? Do you stay in an unhappy situation for the child(ren) or do you leave but continue to love your child and stay in your child's life. As a friend says, "It's like the abortion question, you never know until you are in that situation." I have my thoughts, but I play devil's advocate and can argue both sides of the equation. Here's one side:

Your child will see that you are unhappy and this will be the example of what they can expect and they will perceive that this is all there is for them when they grow up. They can come to resent one of both parents and you can never understand the psychological and emotional trauma that the situation can cause the child. Children are very perceptive and can sense the smallest, unnerving thing. People and groups are so caught up on keeping families together they don't realize that some things are meant to be broken. God breaks some things, let go and let God.

But the decision is yours and yours alone. Seek help, pray, weigh out all the options, think about the consequences, look at all the choices, meditate and in the end do what you feel is right for you and your situation.

The MSNBC article on the subject follows. Happy reading.


Should you stay together for the kids?
Deciding whether or not to divorce is a very difficult decision. So what's a parent to do? 'Today' contributor Dr. Ruth Peters offers some advice

Many bickering couples stay with each other just to keep the family intact. But are you helping or hurting your children? "Today" contributor Dr. Ruth Peters was invited to appear on the show to offer some insight. Here's her advice:

Is divorce ever a good option for the children?Yes, it can be, but there are many sides to the issue. Some parenting specialists believe that children living in chaotic or unhappy marriages learn bad parenting techniques, and feel that these kids would benefit in the long run by their parents divorcing. However, one leading authority on the family (Judith Wallerstein, author of “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce”) disagrees. She theorizes that keeping the family intact is of such import that, even if unhappy or lonely, parents who are able to remain civil (not exposing the kids to fights, coldness or extreme disagreements) provide a better option than divorce. But folks who can commit to living together respectfully when actually desiring to be apart are rare, as this often means putting their own happiness and perceived fulfillment “on hold” until the kids are older or have left the home.

Should parents put the happiness and the welfare of the children before their own? I believe that your happiness as an adult should not interfere with the welfare of your children, whenever possible. YouÂ’re the adult, and they are just kids. The fireworks may have fizzled from your marriage and you may not even find your spouse interesting or attractive. But he or she is the father or mother of your children and you should invest considerable time, attention, soul-searching and honest introspection before making a decision to forever change the dynamics and stability of your marriage and your home. If you havenÂ’t sought counseling (an honest, sincere attempt here, folks!) then do so immediately. Talk with your religious leader, a trusted friend or family member who has evidenced good judgment in their own private life, or a therapist. Sure, marital therapy is often unsuccessful, but just as frequently changes can be made that alter the marital dynamic and the relationship can be more successful and rewarding. In other words, try to fix the situation before bailing out.